thursday the seventh. friday the 8th.

I wonder how long this will last, also I wonder if this happens every year? To me. Does it?

I don't remember.

I'm referring to the way I am counting things. 'Counting' as in: 'this is Thursday and it's the first one this year', or 'I have yet to do my laundry this year', or 'that's the second time I smiled at the Caller I.D before answering'.

It would be interesting and highly improbable to count all things great and small for the next 348 days.

Maybe it would be boring. It's likely. However.

It might be useful, I suppose, in creating a graph or schematic/actuarial representation of my being (as a process), I could review it at the stroke of midnight Jan 31 2010. 'Ah ha!'/'hmmm...' I would exclaim/murmur presented with empirical data consolidating an accurate diagnostic report on who/what/why I am.

It could prove useful or damaging, if I was to have my way I would hope for both. Useful and damaging that is.

I have been told that I typically use situations/people/substances to damage myself, I think its because I'm trying to 'damage' myself in a 'useful' way. Useful to myself. Useful enough to damage other things and people, the ones that don't count at all. That don't count to me.

This makes complete sense.

Like certain scars, like explosions and fireworks. It makes complete sense. Doesn't mean I'm any good at it.

There is no math in my head. I suspect this renders me useless in various meaningful interpretations of culture and evolution. Fortunately as a human being I am largely unable to grasp any semblance of what 'meaningful' might actually mean and, like everybody else, I am relatively able to reorganize my perceptions to be incorporated into that thing usefully generalised as 'The Grander Scheme'. This very 'useful' piece of psychic architecture, which you probably share, is one of the crucial 'tic-tacs' holding 'It' all together, I think.

So like I said, I'm counting things this year.

Counting the accumulating hours and dreams and weekdays and mondays and dollars and degrees farenheit and footsteps and staircases and hotel doors and phonecalls and letters unwritten and goodbyes and silences and trees and midnights and gallons and pints and things forgotten and lists.lists.lists.

Lists of things to count. Counting things without counting on anything.